did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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