i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
