Got a toothbrush?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
