My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
