dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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