Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
