Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
