So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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