I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
