ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
