I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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