walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Randomize
