I smell stomach acid.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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