i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
