You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
