the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
