If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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