I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
