Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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