I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
