Nicole vs. Life
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
