my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
