I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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