Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i think i just lost a toe
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
