Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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