Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
