Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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