So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm both gender and math confused
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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