So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
