You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
