he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
