Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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