I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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