I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just sucked dick on a ferry
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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