how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We are two peas in an std pod
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
