So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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