fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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