I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I can text with my tongue
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
