Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
we're so committed to being not committed
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
