i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
