So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Two words: blizzard sex
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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