just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
