some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
