You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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