I will die if light touches me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
