At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
