I heard we made out
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
