What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
