My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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