Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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